Chastity before marriage Coutumes et styles de vie

Sure, it is not a popular topic. Anyhow, I am interested wether you think saving virginity before marriage is still a virtue, maybe an ideal - or not. And why?

Keeping it for right person or moment is more valuable in my opinion, than waiting for marriage.

I think it could take from us many great moments, memories and feelings, if we would be waiting, especially when many people that wants marriage, doesn't want it after few months of relationship, but later.

I also think its better to know if people fit together in that aspect, instead if they could be dissapointed after marriage, by discover that they had different expectations.

Honestly, I don't regret giving my virginity to my first boyfriend, the person who made me fall in love for the first time and who made me feel pure feelings and I thought I would be with him forever, but if I could go back I would choose to wait for the intimate aspect until marriage, I am convinced that it’s one of the things that strengthens a relationship, just look at our mothers and grandmothers, waiting until marriage creates that special and unique bond and it would be one of the reasons why don’t divorce as in today's times.

Outdated to me. In the past, marriage happened fairly quickly and probably not so often with the person you truly love. Nowadays, especially with studies, it's much more late and I don't think there is anything wrong to have your first time before 35 years old...

I would consider it a good time if you do it with the person you think you will spend your life with, even if it's not necessarily true in the end rather than waiting for marriage and eventually ending up in a divorce anyway.

just look at our mothers and grandmothers, waiting until marriage creates that special and unique bond and it would be one of the reasons why don’t divorce as in today's times.

I would argue that this has more to do with the ability of older couples to be compliant and find compromises whereas most of younger generations, from what I've seen, want everything and makes no compromises or stop at the first inconvenience.

Honestly, I don't regret giving my virginity to my first boyfriend, the person who made me fall in love for the first time and who made me feel pure feelings and I thought I would be with him forever, but if I could go back I would choose to wait for the intimate aspect until marriage, I am convinced that it’s one of the things that strengthens a relationship, just look at our mothers and grandmothers, waiting until marriage creates that special and unique bond and it would be one of the reasons why don’t divorce as in today's times.

Very true, dear Sara. I know a few couples around our age who wait until marriage. And finally, they are luckier than those who didn´t. Do you know "Cuori Puri" in Italy? We have "Reine Herzen" in Germany. I gave my promise a few years ago.

Another aspect why I support chastity before marriage: aren´t those many abortions the consequence of having sex with someone you are not completely sure about wether he/she is the right one?
Moreover, sex means complete dedication. In my opinion, this requires - at least for the woman - the protected framework of marriage. How degrading, if one only "tries out". Then it is no longer dedication.

Honestly, I don't regret giving my virginity to my first boyfriend, the person who made me fall in love for the first time and who made me feel pure feelings and I thought I would be with him forever, but if I could go back I would choose to wait for the intimate aspect until marriage, I am convinced that it’s one of the things that strengthens a relationship, just look at our mothers and grandmothers, waiting until marriage creates that special and unique bond and it would be one of the reasons why don’t divorce as in today's times.

Very true, dear Sara. I know a few couples around our age who wait until marriage. And finally, they are luckier than those who didn´t. Do you know "Cuori Puri" in Italy? We have "Reine Herzen" in Germany. I gave my promise a few years ago.

Is it maybe the catholic association? I think you did well ☺️
And I agree with you about abortion issues, I would say that almost every cases of abortion it’s just because a girl get pregnant and the two guys have still to finish their school, to find a job, to have enough money to give a decent life for the baby and I also agree with you when you say the right one, a kid has to live in a harmonious family and not between of a toxic relationship, even if don’t seem, a child suffers like that and in the future could have some psychological consequences

as a personal choice, chastity must be respected, no matter if it’s because of religious beliefs or something different; i wouldn’t “recommend” it though.
it’s widely known that the human being needs an active sexual life, not only for reproduction but also for its own physical and mental health: according to freud’s sexual theory, holding instincts back could bring to different psychological issues like neurosis or sociopathy.
even tho we’re the most civil creatures on earth we can’t deny we have instincts and desires to fulfill and there’s nothing bad or strange about it.

@Sara
Is it maybe the catholic association? I think you did well ☺️
And I agree with you about abortion issues, I would say that almost every cases of abortion it’s just because a girl get pregnant and the two guys have still to finish their school, to find a job, to have enough money to give a decent life for the baby and I also agree with you when you say the right one, a kid has to live in a harmonious family and not between of a toxic relationship, even if don’t seem, a child suffers like that and in the future could have some psychological consequences

Yes, it is. Oviously. 😉 Maybe I could add there is always a chance to make the best of a worse situation. In case, the two guys just do not have enough money, there are great charity organistations like 1000plus. Anyhow, it is way better to wait before it is to late...Not only thr child would suffer, but maybe later at least one of them when they get separate for any reason because it wasn´t the right one.

as a personal choice, chastity must be respected, no matter if it’s because of religious beliefs or something different; i wouldn’t “recommend” it though.
it’s widely known that the human being needs an active sexual life, not only for reproduction but also for its own physical and mental health: according to freud’s sexual theory, holding instincts back could bring to different psychological issues like neurosis or sociopathy.
even tho we’re the most civil creatures on earth we can’t deny we have instincts and desires to fulfill and there’s nothing bad or strange about it.

I don´t think it necessarily has bad impact on psyche. I consider sexuality to be an expression of love, of devotion. When I am not married, I express my love differently than just in marriage. I can definitely live chastely AND happily - without becoming mentally ill! 😉 It depends on how you live and accept it. After all, we should not be controlled by our drives, but use them purposefully later. Personally, I feel free and content right now.

as a personal choice, chastity must be respected, no matter if it’s because of religious beliefs or something different; i wouldn’t “recommend” it though.
it’s widely known that the human being needs an active sexual life, not only for reproduction but also for its own physical and mental health: according to freud’s sexual theory, holding instincts back could bring to different psychological issues like neurosis or sociopathy.
even tho we’re the most civil creatures on earth we can’t deny we have instincts and desires to fulfill and there’s nothing bad or strange about it.

I don´t think it necessarily has bad impact on psyche. I consider sexuality to be an expression of love, of devotion. When I am not married, I express my love differently than just in marriage. I can definitely live chastely AND happily - without becoming mentally ill! 😉 It depends on how you live and accept it. After all, we should not be controlled by our drives, but use them purposefully later. Personally, I feel free and content right now.

i understand your point of view, but i didn’t say that not having sex means being doomed to illness. controlling our drives is not a simple task simply because they define what we are: human beings. as a matter of fact, chastity was born as an artificial choice which goes totally against our true nature.
i’m not here to demonize chastity, i respect people who achieve this goal because it needs quite a lot of self-control.
about “being controlled by our drives”, this is not what happens when you embrace and understand your sexual life: accepting it brings to inner peace and welfare, same as living a life or a period of chastity.

@Sara
Is it maybe the catholic association? I think you did well ☺️
And I agree with you about abortion issues, I would say that almost every cases of abortion it’s just because a girl get pregnant and the two guys have still to finish their school, to find a job, to have enough money to give a decent life for the baby and I also agree with you when you say the right one, a kid has to live in a harmonious family and not between of a toxic relationship, even if don’t seem, a child suffers like that and in the future could have some psychological consequences

Yes, it is. Oviously. 😉 Maybe I could add there is always a chance to make the best of a worse situation. In case, the two guys just do not have enough money, there are great charity organistations like 1000plus. Anyhow, it is way better to wait before it is to late...Not only thr child would suffer, but maybe later at least one of them when they get separate for any reason because it wasn´t the right one.

You find me totally agree with you… it just what I wanted to say but you explained it better ☺️

In my opinion, praising chastity or considering it as a "virtue" is a sneaky act. By this act, the others are to be considered as "morally and physically defective". It is just a personal choice but neither a virtue nor an ideal. In theory it sounds pretty romantic but in practice sex is a complex matter and frustrated sex life might lead any relationship to some incredible directions. Love is not the only factor in the equation of marriage.

I agree that chastity is not easy. I don't condemn anyone who can't do it - even though I believe that anyone can do it who wants to. I know that it can be an immense, inner struggle. It's a struggle that can be won through grace and effort of will.
I find self-control extremely important in a relationship as well. There are times when couples may be forced to abstain, for example, if one becomes very ill. I think it is important to learn to express your love in other ways as well.

When chastity is forced but not wanted, it can be cruel - and unhealthy. Likewise, lived sexuality can get out of hand. I think we all agree that it's about a conscious, rational, voluntary decision. And that doesn't make you sick. 🙂

Speaking of which, just in the last few decades, there are many, many more STDs. Why do you think? Alternating sexual partnerships have also increased a lot.

Have to try out beforehand whether you fit together?
Would you really give up a very beloved person, a fantastic character, because the first sexual contact did not meet your expectations?
The attitude of trying things out is harmful, I think. If you don't know yourself completely and unconditionally accepted, how can you be free and happy with it? That can hardly be harmonious.
Besides, one could also talk about expectations instead of directly "trying" 😉 If two people really love each other, they will always find ways to adapt to each other in sexuality, I think.

In my opinion, praising chastity or considering it as a "virtue" is a sneaky act. By this act, the others are to be considered as "morally and physically defective". It is just a personal choice but neither a virtue nor an ideal.

Wouldn't this then consequently mean that nothing should be called virtue, so that those who do not live it are not "devalued"?
Personally, I definitely don´t take non-chaste people for morally and physically defective. This would be very arrogant, I think.

I have never understood why marriage would be anything different than the relationship before. The only difference is some paperwork, a ring on your finger and potentially some religious promise.

From a logical perspective marriages are just as easy to fall apart as any other long-lasting relationship. The couple can still fight a lot and eventually fall out of love. The only difference the marriage would make is that maybe they'd be pressured to stay together anyway.

I genuinely do not understand people who somehow think marriage is worth more than a simple relationship. Who will say that you don't have to put as much effort into a relationship because you aren't even married. You should want to stay with your boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever forever, just like with your husband/wife/married partner. If you don't see a future with them, I don't know why you'd even be in the relationship.

So in relation to my opinion on marriage, I think waiting with anything until marriage is pointless.